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Anyways, after that introduction I thought I would talk about my buddy Tom again. If you forgot he is the retard that has some disease that impairs him or so they say. I'm sure he is just faking it for special attention but if he isn't I still don't feel sorry for him. I know that sounds bad but today he stated the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my entire life. We were discussing ways that people unintentionally scare people when they talk or touch them or something. What we were discussing really has no relevance because Tom stated and I quote "People are intimidated by my deep voice, and are they sometimes are afraid of me because of it” Earth to Tom no one is afraid of you, your legs don't work man, you couldn't beat up my 8 year old nephew even if you were using your little walker things. The only people who might be afraid of you are the Mexicans because they are stupid and probably believe that whatever you have is contagious.

Tom has also been trying to get with the lady's. Tom now has his driver’s license but doesn't drive long distances yet because driving is hard. My response to that is WHAT FUCKING MORON GAVE A RETARD A LICENSE? People bitch about teen driving but for fuck's sake a guy who can't even walk gets a specially made car and gets to get behind the wheel. Thank you but I'll stay off the street now. I see how Tom can be intimidating now, he will fucking mow you down in his special car because he is a special guy. I'm not a doctor or a scientist but when you have a handicap do you lose all ability to tell that people don't want to hear a word that comes out of your mouth. Tom talks at all available moments and even if it doesn't regard what is going on in the class. When he talks to me I nod, smile and secretly plot to kill him. Now I know I'm not giving off the "Wow this is interesting tell me more about why you smell like B.O. and drive around in a rascal you handicapped piece of shit" look, but yet he will talk to me for the entire class period. Why someone didn't abort his birth is beyond me.

Anyways, my problem is that I'm starting to dislike handicapped people almost as much as Mexicans. Now I have never really had a problem with handicapped people up until Tom, so maybe I should just cut the brakes on Tom's rascal and get rid of the problem. I'm guessing I’ll just continue to listen to his bullshit and realize how much I hate it that certain people get special treatment because of certain ailments or colors of their skin.

For now I'm going to bed, hope you guys in Texas and Souther Florida laughed I would appreciate it if everyone left comments telling me what you want to see more of on this site. Something like "You rock, you are funny, update more and write about Mexicans" is a perfect example it confirms my belief that I am god, that I need to update more and that I'm not the only one who hates Mexicans. Hasta Luego Putos.

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Once again society has left me in awe, since the last time we met for "Bash on Mexicans and anyone that disagrees with me". I have a few questions on my mind and was hoping that someone can answer them for me.

Questions for Mexicans
1. Why do you insist on calling my workplace and asking me "Habla Espanol" then when I say no you speak perfect English?
2. Same as question number one but when I say no you proceed to talk in Spanish, I thought no was universal and met the same thing in all languages? Are you guys really that dumb?
3. Why are you so horrible at driving?
4. Why can't you all just die?
5. Seriously are you guys just that dumb?

Questions for Whitey
1. Why do some of you attempt to be black? Not like being black will get you anywhere in life.
2. Do you honestly think that listening to rap and wearing black clothes makes you hard? If it does I missed that memo and need an ass kicking.
3. Why do you make fun of minorities, when in fact white people (in California) are the minority?

Questions for African-Americans
1. How much shit do we have to give you until you will stop bitching about slavery?
2. When is it acceptable for a white cop to use force against a black man?
3. Better yet, can a white cop even talk to a black man with out the words "Because he is black" coming into play sometime down the line?
4. Why do you guys like the fat chicks? I mean I know they need loving but seriously guys some of those girls you date are HUGE BITCHES.
5. Is Colin Powell black?

Questions for the Others
1. Why don't you all just die?
2. Does it upset you that you aren't as important as white people, black people, and brown people? Wait scratch that, black people and Mexicans aren't important they just bitch the most.

Those are some questions I need answered and stat. To any white people that can answer those questions above, please finding the nearest bridge or overpass and jump off of it, into traffic. I will be back in a couple days with a new update, or when I actually get beat again in NCAA College Football on the ps2.

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I've also started up school again, and because god hates me, I have to take Group Discussion for Decision Making which is a class required for my major. That's not the bad part, the bad part is that I have to take it with a bunch of idiots, including one retard mentally handicapped student. Now I really don't mind if you are special, actually your not special if you are mentally handicapped, people just tell you that because you are a waste of life and will amount to nothing and taxpayers and your parents will have to provide for you for the rest of your life, but that is beside the point at this current time. Tom is the special kid in my class, I had nothing wrong with Tom the first day of class, in fact I thought I would befriend the slow kid, and give him some helpful advice and tell him that after high school letterman jackets are not to be worn...fucking idiot. However, this was only a thought and it was a god damn good thing I didn't become friends with Tom, because it would have been a short friendship. Tom is like Mexicans (still not racist but for some reason Mexicans seem to email me more than any other race, and I like having emails so I will make fun of them again), he blurts out and provides the class with his opinion, and in doing so helps obliterate the remaining intelligence some of the people in the class have left. Tom, if you are reading this, I know you are special and a stud with the ladies but that gives you no right to blurt out in class. Raise your hand ass face.

Another thing Tom has in common with the Mexicans is that you can't understand what the fuck he is saying. It sounds something like this "adsfjaksdjfa jdsajfkasjd asdjfaksd"... did any of you pick that up? Now you know what I'm dealing with. For some reason, the teacher feels the need to encourage Tom, by telling him he is right when not a soul in the room could tell you what came out of his mouth, and if we could I'm sure it would be something stupid, because all handicapped people are stupid, duh.

Now I could normally deal with having one idiot, special kid, retard, mentally challenged, fucking moron, whatever you want to label Tom, in my class. However, you didn't think I was going to leave out my favorite race... yup you guessed it Mexicans. They too are just like Tom (by the way Tom is white, sadly), they raise their hand try to say something of intelligence but end up leaving out a few words to make their thoughts complete and instead say something like "I like talk" or "I like to be group". Those silly Mexicans also speak Spanish to their cousins; I assume a lot are related because they have the same last name and first name. They will come into class and all I hear is "Te bien bano mi gato grande de izquierda puto". CALLING ALL MEXICANS, if you go to school in America and speak Spanish in the class, unless it’s a Spanish Class, you are an idiot. The majority of you use broken English to get by and yet you don't find it important to try and learn better English. I mean college is only your only way out of working in the fields, but don't learn the language professors speak...GOOD CALL FUCKERS, now go pick my cherries.

This has been another public service announcement, and like always I'm just jaykaying you, God loves us all equally.

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Matt Damon

I got through about 3 possible people for J-Lo and got a headache. Not only do I not care who is next for Jennifer Lopez, but I hope they are driving happily along during their first week of huge media publicity and end up swerving into an oncoming big rig. I'm not even worried who the man is, because as we can see through previous relationships J-Lo has had, none of them are actually good at the profession of their choice. P Diddy is a horrible rapper, who knows what that one guy does, and Affleck well he hasn't been in the cream of the crop movies, except for I did like Sum of All Fears. Anyways, J-Lo's a ho, I have aids, and Mexicans are still stupid. Good night.

Sorry for the short and unfunny article, I have a final tomorrow and if the Mexican in that class get's a better grade than me, I will be forced to committ suicide. I will be back at full strength sometime this week though.

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If you are a child of god, does that mean that my mom slept with him?

After getting the legalities out of the way the topic at hand is religion. What about religion? It's worthless in my opinion. There are people out there who every second of their life, worry about living their life by the Bible and if they do something wrong, will go home get on their knees and pray for forgiveness. Well, kiss my ass because you won't see me doing it. I'm what the religious types label an agnostic person. I don't know what I believe, but I do know that I will not live my life by some book in hopes that one day I will make it to Heaven, when I don't even know for sure if there is one or not. I will masturbate, think of raping girls, have sex, drink beer, and say curse words such as: fuck, shit, ass, bitch, cunt, cocksucker, and anything else I feel like saying to describe people, and I also will be a racist white asshole with no feelings for Mexicans. If I'm going to hell for that so be it.

The 4th graders are so gullible that actually bowed to me when I said I was god.

I know people other than me, have heard so called people say they got in a car wreck and talked to God. I say bullshit, what really happened was you got in a car wreck, because you were drunk, when losing a ton of blood, your conscience told you how big of an idiot you were, and that if you were lucky enough to survive, you would never do such an idiotic thing again. Being that people couldn't just say "I realized I was an idiot", people say God talked to them and changed their life, but now they have to suffer through church every Sunday for 4 hours a day, because they had to make people think they talked to God.

Anyways, I have no idea were I was going with this article, just thought I would tell everyone that I'm not a religious person and to those of you that are, you are idiots. Now all of you go to hell.

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WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MOON CAR?

As a child of the 80's I’ve done my research and am well aware the Jetsons was based in late 1998. We can overlook the definite lack of moving sidewalks that would just promote more fatties to sue sidewalk makers for 'force feeding' them pounds of lard daily, but I for one refuse to overlook the failure of the 90's to produce one single interstellar Buick. Western dependence on foreign crude is as good a scapegoat as any when it comes to placing blame on humanity slacking in the cheap interstellar travel department, and if we can get a Go Bot to Mars on solar power there is no reason I can't get the Pontiac Sunbird to the moon.

In fact, the car itself making it into space isn't a prerequisite to tooling around space in the comfort of your automobile. Science could just as easily get a highway built with a cool name like the Lunar-I509 Highway to the Moon. Now that's an expressway where road rage wouldn't pay off and the slightest of mistakes could send your moon-semi hurling into space. These suggestions are just a good base for getting project moon car off the ground before it's 3004 and we're just getting to moon cars when we should be teleporting each other around the galaxy on beams of light.

YOU BUILT PAMELA ANDERSON,

SO WHY NOT A GOOD TERMINATOR?

Let's run down the technology keeping Pamela Anderson mobile:

• Mac IIgs Operating System (minus Oregon Trail)


• 469 pounds of silicon enhancement


• Weekly injection of battery acid to clean out Hepatitis


• Blonding agent to keep the solar panel of her head soaking in raw energy

WHY NO LASER GUNS?

While we're talking about military applications science has failed us on inventing let's get to the biggest disappointment to date. The Laser Gun. We've been in the dark ages of gas propelled lead for far too long and it's time to get that modern day staple of science fiction film. As somebody who spent the better part of his childhood with a magnifying glass in the sun attacking the armies of Cobra I know the value of a good laser weapon. Unfortunately those homemade lasers cost me $50 in 1980's cobra commander figures and if my math is right that's something like $60,000 in today's cash all because at the young age of 8 I could build the laser science still fails to produce.

Too much time has been spent adapting laser technology into medical applications like face thinning, wrinkle reduction or whatever the rich old people do with lasers to cheat death one more year. Folks, we shouldn't be putting lasers on calculators for accurate measurements and stopping grandma from looking 128 when we don't even have a color coded laser weapon system (red lasers for bad guys, blue for good guys). I've been told the chief reason laser production has reached a plateau is due to the human inadequacy of finding a good high voltage power source to keep the laser humming. This of course makes the lasers we have exceptionally expensive and roughly the size of telephone booths completely invalidating any hopes at a hand held laser weapon in the next 20 years. Way to go science! You've crushed the hopes of many young children that were making due with a magnifying glass and the sun expecting any day to get that laser in a Christmas box.

PROSTETIC LIMBS SUCK, WHY?

Boy oh boy don't we live in a modern age where you can lose an arm and we will strap a 2x4 on your stub with some packing tape. For an extra $10,000 they can even jam a metal retractable hook into the end for the ultimate in a modern day solution to practical limb reattachment. Honestly, I'm not expecting humanity to ever be able to re-grow lost limbs and organs, but the least we can do is get to producing a modern day titanium, computer limb like Denzel Washington had in Virtuosity. It's unfortunate that laser technology can't get clear the power hurdle because this is an application that a good laser attachment would really boost into the next millennium. Hell, I would willingly lose a hand to the buzz saw if I could get a titanium computer hand with a laser middle finger.

While the question is on the table where is that thriving industry delivering humans EXTRA limbs should they be so inclined to use 3 arms, 2 heads or an extra penis? I think the time has come to really make the shocker something special in the bedroom and an extra penis is the tool to keep the fires of romance burning bright. Who hasn't been driving down a highway and thought to themselves, "With another hand to hold this beer it would be a lot easier to dodge the blinking cars and elves." How many cats do you see daily missing a tail and three legged dogs? This industry isn't just for the greed of humanity when our four (if they're lucky) legged friends suffer from the same ailment. A quick trip to the vet could buy the family pet a new tail to replace the one currently in the chains of the garage door, and if you're feeling saucy I'm sure the cat wouldn't complain should you add a few legs and a mane.

I LIED. I WANT A GOD DAMN CLONE.

And I'm not talking about one of those Dr. Evil Mini-me's that are all the fad in clone development. We need to get producing like the 6th Day, and if the fundamentalist assholes want to keep voting against clone development because it upstages God I vote we clone 25,000,000 of me to win that election in one fail swoop. I'm relatively free of genetic defects and I promise the American people that a cloned army of me will quickly over run our enemies and convert them to the Walmart purchasing, McDonalds loving civilization they deserve to be.

In short technology and science are lagging behind like the skinny kid in a lunch line at the Golden Corral. For far too long we've been wasting time and money on bigger and better studies still proving chocolate tastes good and people like sex. You can cure Cancer when I have a moon car sitting in my driveway, and until then you're wasting my precious years on this planet with your DVD inventions and fake grass.

PS: Find a way to make a house cat that comes without claws and we'll call it even.

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It's hard to imagine where white trash girls shower...oh well.

You might not want to admit it, but guys I know you all have met a girl who hadn't been to a day of school in her life, had a black eye, had hickys on the neck (presumably from her brother), and may or may not have been missing a tooth. Even though the siren went off in your brain that this girls dad drinks more liquor than you've seen in your life, and that she is probably a 2nd cousin of her mom, you still wanted to take her home and have your way with her. I'm not going to sit before you and say I haven't, God knows how many times during the country fair I was glad I had my own place. That's right ladies and gents, I took po' white trash home and proceeded to have sex with her. Even if this white trash girl I took home, was the cause of my constant itching down in my penile region, it was worth it.

You see, there are a few facts that one must know about white trash girls before jumping into bed with them. White trash girls are born hot, and the only thing that keeps them from being the hot, popular girl in high school is that they are also born with herpes and live in a trailer. These 2 detrimental occurrences, establish that she will never go to college and never be anything more than a porn star. How do I know she will never amount to anything other than a porn star? You go to google image search type in white trash and tell me how many pictures of gangbangs and facials are returned. Convinced?

This is the only clean picture of a female that came up while searching for white trash.

Another thing about the dirty trash is that they are in fact dirty when you get them into bed. They are also dirty in general. They don't make you wear a condom, although I recommend you do, and they also let you shoot your wad on their face, in their hair (which might possible be used later for hair gel), or any other thing you have heard about on Jerry Springer. They also have experience that even your mom would be jealous of. Most white trash women lose their virginity at at 12, and have had 20+ sexual partners, when they finally drop out of highschool for good. White trash girls don't care if they get knocked up either, because if they are lucky and went home that night with a man who has money, they just got their one way ticket out of the trailer park. Ask any white trash girl if she would have an abortion and they will say no... As long as the babies daddy makes a decent living.

As you can see from the above stated facts, white trash women are far hotter than any other racial trash. They are kinky, dirty, hot, and will beat up any guy that is giving you a hassle. They will be your sex slave and your body guard. Just be sure to "use condoms" while sleeping with her because if you don't, you will have interesting family holidays.

Have a story about a white trash girl, or if you are a white trash girl and would like to sleep with me, or just for the sake of being nice, leave a comment.

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